Hi, I’m Shae, a youth ambassador for Orenda society. Orenda helps young girls rise up and face their fears of being not good enough and finally being able to feel comfortable in their own skin. That’s why I’m so proud to be an ambassador. I can’t say I’m an expert on mental health but in my opinion no one is. However, so many people all over the world suffer from it and everyone has their own experiences.
My oldest sister was diagnosed with depression when she was 13 which is how old I am now. That was my first introduction. I was pretty young at the time and I didn’t really know what was happening. Next thing I knew she was staying at a hospital. I thought she was sick. Until my parents kind of explained it. She stayed in hospitals for a couple of years and we would visit her.
It was scary for me. I remember hearing my sister crying. Me and my twin sister stayed at the top of the stairs. I saw my mom take away a knife from her. Then I started to know what was happening. Through the years I kept seeing scars on her legs. I wanted to ask her what they were from but deep down I knew.
I never understood it. Why did she cut herself? Why does anyone cut themselves?
Now I understand. It’s a feeling of not loving yourself. It’s a feeling of not being good enough for anyone. You maybe feel that all the bad things that happen are your fault. I know I do. Sometimes I feel like I have nowhere safe to go. That my parents won’t understand. That I will be JUDGED. I think judgment plays an important part in mental health.
I always struggle with trying to fit in. I try so hard and sometimes it just never works. I cry myself to sleep sometimes just because I have so much stress and I’m so overwhelmed. I cry when there are problems at home with my family. I try to let it go but I can’t. I tell myself it’s normal but it’s not. You should feel safe and comfortable. You should always have a safe environment.
We as humans care what people think about us. We have to be good for everyone. Unfortunately, this is not the case. We can’t be good for everyone. No matter how hard we try. But we can be good to ourselves. We deserve it. That is why I am an ambassador. I want people to learn to love themselves. I don’t want people to struggle to hide their feelings. They need to be able to let go.
There is ALWAYS someone to talk to. Never hold the pain in. Remember you are loved, you are strong, you are beautiful, and you are absolutely good enough.
