My name is Amber. I am an Emotional Eating, Digestive, and Hormone Expert as well as Holistic Nutritionist and support men and women to overcome their self-sabotaging relationships with food, body image struggles, hormone and digestive imbalances, cravings and more. Ten years ago I never would have imagined that I would now be supporting others get to optimal health and body freedom as this is something I was quite unaware of myself growing up.
It all started when I was 5 years old, on my first day of school riding the bus. We had just moved to an acreage and I was so excited and a bit nervous to get on. As soon as I got onto the bus I was called fat and ugly by the older boys and I believed them. I was crushed, and I took on that identity for the next 20 or so years. My parents were always so loving and supportive, they would never say anything about my weight, so I really attached to them versus being more social as a child. I had friends, but it took me a few years to feel safe enough going for a sleepover or go places where there were also boys because I feared being hurt again.
I grew up with food being associated with everything. My mother, prior to me being born was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, always wanted to make sure I had the food I liked. I think this was part of her way to show me love to make up for other things that she wasn’t able to do due to her diagnosis. So anywhere we went, anything we did, we also had food to be a part of it. I loved sugar, anything sweet was always my favorite, and I just thought it was normal to be enjoying it all the time. I thought it was normal that I was a bit chubby, and since my Mom’s family was all quite overweight that it was just genes and would probably happen to me too.
Fast forward to a few months prior to my 22ndbirthday and I went through a bad break up and this is where the journey really began. I was heartbroken, I couldn’t eat because I was so sad and upset. And I started to lose weight easily. I was excited, but sad, but thought perhaps if I could just have the perfect body this guy would want me back. So I continued to restrict my food, got into exercising 2 hours a day 6 or 7 days a week and hit my “goal weight.” He didn’t want me back, I was devastated, exhausted and overwhelmed. So I pretty much said screw it, this is too hard to maintain, and then it was like a switch flipped. I was deep into food. Binging on bags of potato chips, full pies, half a dozen cupcakes, bags of candy, baked goods, chocolate, pints of ice cream all in one sitting. It felt so good to temporarily numb the pain of my heartbreak. Until I was done binging and felt like complete garbage. So bloated and uncomfortable, inflamed, angry and SO guilty because I knew I would gain weight if this continued. And I did. I gained over 50 pounds in 3 months and went from having the “perfect body” to being the heaviest I’d ever been.
I was devastated. I isolated, I stopped going out with friends, I wouldn’t allow myself to date or be social, I just was so embarrassed and ashamed. I hated myself for what I was doing, I kept consuming more of my life with food, and slowly all my hobbies and all the fun in my life became focused around food. Obsessing over the next diet I was going to try to lose the weight, and then after I had lost it something would stress me out and then I would obsess on all the foods I wasn’t allowing myself to have and then lose control with those foods for days or weeks. And have to start all over again. I lost and gained over 1000 pounds in a 5 year period and spent over $50000.00 on binge food, diets/fads, and trainers thinking that something else outside of myself would motivate me. I just thought if I can just lose the weight and keep it off I will be happy. But even when I did, I wasn’t happy, I was so lonely and so unfulfilled.
When I reached my low point, where I finished a binge and threw everything in the garbage as I thought it would be the motivator to not eat anymore….and then went digging through the garbage (and even once the garbage outside) I just sat on the floor, broke down and cried. I was so unhappy. I just dug through the garbage to binge! I was devastated for what I was doing to my body, and I was afraid of what may happen if I continued to put all the stress on my body I was. I feared I’d slowly kill myself with food. And I knew that this sabotage, this fight, this hate and stuffing my emotions down was NOT meant to be my life. But I guess I needed that to happen to have a wakeup call. I declared at that moment I didn’t know how I was going to gain freedom from my food addiction, but I was going to figure out a way.
So I started to do a lot of reading and research about my symptoms. Sugar, and sugar cravings. Digestive bloating and pain. Food sensitivities….I figured if I cut out my food sensitivities I would be free. And I thought since sugar is 10 times more addictive than cocaine if I can quit refined sugar, which I was SO addicted to, that that may be my freedom! So after dozens of attempts, I cut out wheat, dairy, and refined sugar. And did good for a couple of months, I thought this was it! But I was still obsessing over the weight and my body image. I still wasn’t happy. And then when stress happened I found myself wanting to binge on healthy foods. Or if a relationship didn’t work out with a guy I wanted to binge. So my food addiction was not gone.
That’s when I embarked on the emotional and spiritual journey to learn how to LOVE myself. This was the key missing ingredient. It was always missing, and I had no clue how to love me. So I started to read the likes of Louise L. Hay, Wayne Dyer, and started to tell myself I love myself daily. I didn’t feel it or believe it, but thought I had to start somewhere. I also started to catch and shift my negative self-talk. Made sure I ate enough, complimented myself, and started to understand what triggered me to want to numb out with food. The more aware I became of my triggers, the easier it was to go to some form of self-care instead of food. I started meditation, going to yoga, breathing, getting into nature more often and ensuring I didn’t overbook my schedule, because I wanted to gain freedom so badly. It was when I chose to surrender to exercise because I was still afraid to lose control and gain weight, and therefore was using it out of fear…that I really built a full connection. My hormones were a mess, my digestion was a mess, and I was exhausted….but still felt the need to thrash my body at the gym. And I was gaining weight even though I wasn’t binge eating. It was so frustrating.
One day, after a wonderful event I hosted, I got home and looked in the mirror and connected with myself, and I said, if this is the body I’m meant to live in and this is my life, then I’m so happy, and I accept it, and I love you. AND I FELT SELF LOVE. I felt it so deeply. It was so beautiful. After that moment I decided to only do what made me feel good and not force things that didn’t. By resting more, balancing my hormones and digestion, setting healthy boundaries and honoring my body, I let go of the protection that she was hanging onto, because my body didn’t feel safe. This is often what I see happening to my clients and the people around me.
I see weight as protection. And often people will hang onto it because they are in a fight or a war with their body. They don’t feel good enough…or worthy, and think the only way is to look esthetically perfect. So instead of going inside to build a healthy relationship with themselves, they look outside of themselves and this can create a bit battle with eating disorders, extreme diets, over exercise, physical health symptoms and more anger, frustration and sadness. One of the most valuable things I learned is that nothing outside of you will make you happy truly or fill the void of self-hate. YOU going inside to work on your mindset, your relationship with yourself, your body and food will help to give you the freedom you seek. Take your time to work on your journey, one step at a time. Let go of the quick fixes and expecting everything to be solved in a month. You going on your own personal journey is the most fulfilling thing you can ever do.
Going on my journey and overcoming my body image struggles and food addiction inspired me to start my business. I can relate to my clients because I’ve fully been there. I support them very closely to balance their physical symptoms like digestive bloating and pain, food sensitivities, hormone imbalances low energy, poor sleep, and cravings. Then on the emotional end to gain freedom from emotional eating or a food addiction, build self-love and a positive and supportive view on body image. This gives people their lives back. They are present to enjoying life versus obsessing over numbers, scales, and food. They attract healthy relationships, careers, job opportunities, and whatever they desire because now they feel worthy that they can.
I’m so grateful and thankful that I was gifted with the opportunity to go through what I did. And everyone deserves to see the light at the end of the tunnel and get to that light. Because there is so much beauty and breakthrough as you get to the other side. You never know what you may be able to create, so I encourage you no matter what you are dealing with, you are worthy to have your fully happiness and health.
For more information, you can visit my website at www.amberapproved.ca
For support email me at [email protected]to book your 30 minute complimentary Body Freedom call today.
