Good Day, Greetings & Salutations, Everyone. Warmest Welcome.
My name is Wakefield Brewster.
My family hails from the island of Beautiful Barbados and I grew up in Toronto, Scarborough specifically. I am a Professional Poet and Spoken Word Artist, a Registered Massage Therapist, and a Black Black Belt Tae Kwon Do Practitioner.
My name is Wakefield Brewster.
I am an alcoholic.
I am a substance addict.
I am with Mental Wellness Challenges.
Time for some exposure.
Time for some disclosure.
Some of you may have noticed some changes occurring in me during the past 4 years.
That’s because almost 4 years ago, on June 28, 2016… I stopped drinking.
As aforementioned, I’m an alcoholic and I’m a substance addict. I’ve been dealt a hand (or head as it may be), of Mental Illness Diagnoses and I’ve struggled with risky, addictive, impulsive, compulsive, destructive, dangerous behaviors.
I’ve been professionally diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, PTSD, OCD, SAD, and Depression.
When it came to substance abuse, I would partake in anything except needles. I would eat it, drink it, smoke it, sniff it, pop it, drop it, dab it, huff it, lick it – but never stick it.
Addict Boundaries. An oxymoron if I ever heard one.
At this time, I wish to inform, enlighten, or remind everyone of a fact that I learned over my years of self-blame, guilt, and shame.
The gateway to addiction is trauma.
My trauma came by way of abuse. My abuse was physical, mental, spiritual, and sexual. That’s how I came to this ‘Land Of The Lost’… by the way of the Four Horsemen.
Throughout the use and abuse of alcohol and substances, I had 6 near-deaths, became suicidal, and was placed on Covert Suicide Watch. I was never, ever so scared of myself, before. I was unable to trust myself to not kill myself.
However, after a very long time and with insurmountable effort…
I stopped smoking cigarettes.
I stopped using substances.
I’m getting a handle on how to behave.
I rediscovered fitness.
I’m still making a lot of mistakes.
Every.
Fucking.
Day.
I‘m still –
Repeating –
Some.
Every.
Fucking.
Day.
However, I started drinking at the age of 8, (I had thought it was 9 until another memory from that time recently resurfaced) – it secured a cement hold on me like a ‘G.I. Joe wit da kung-fu grip’ and stopping has been the hardest thing that I’ve ever done…
In.
My.
Life.
I still want to drink.
Every.
Fucking.
Day.
I’m always ‘thirsty’.
Some of my closer peeps know this information about me and my life on intimate levels. I thank you all for that and I also apologize for that. I have often been very, very difficult.
I know this to be true.
I know this because I live in here.
I barely have a relationship with my Father, which has been all my life. I’m almost at that same point with my older brother.
Ma has never given up. She says she won’t ever.
I have burned through 2 marriages and I am estranged from my two daughters. I have placed enough pain and hurt on my loved ones to deserve abandonment. My unpredictable alcoholic-addict behaviors left me as a loose cannon in other people’s lives and I blasted holes in the hulls of every Love Boat on my turbulent seas.
However, being a public figure who is becoming synonymous with Mental Wellness and Recovery, it’s probably apt to share a little of my journey.
That’s not a lot of it, but that’s a lot of it. I say more about it in my poetry, I speak more upon it in the workshops that I facilitate. I have been able to bring parts of my world to places of peace and healing and Poetry paved my path. I believe this path of Wellness on which I’m currently walking is wide enough for others.
That’s why I teach Poetry. ‘I Can’ write a way to Wellness. ‘You Can’ too. That’s why I teach with a vigor to youth and teenagers and young adults. I started falling down very early. I wish to help early. I’m here to help.
By the way, in the last 3 years, I rediscovered education and I have become a Registered Massage Therapist. I’ve developed a Way with Words. Now, I’m developing a World of Wellness. Stay on the lookout for WakeFull Wellness Registered Massage Therapy and HealingSpace.
“My Heart is in My Hands and My Hands are Here to Help.”
Thank You, to everyone who has helped me. I couldn’t have done this alone. I’m including AA, SMART RECOVERY, Renfrew Recovery Centre, Calgary Adult Addiction Services, Access Mental Health, Alberta Health Services, Distress Centre Calgary, Centre for Suicide Calgary & Natural Health Services for Medical Cannabis – just to mention a few that have helped me through.
I Especially Thank My Partner, My Shannon. She was at the beginning of this journey and she’s still here. I’m still here because Shannon said ‘no’ – and I listened. Thank You, My Shannon. I Love You.
Thank You, All.
And of course…
MadLove.
~w.
